Why is this computer so sticky?

4/17/08

By Matt Vercillo
Critic Staff

Here at The Critic, our goal is always to report on the news and issues that concern the student body. Every week there are several meetings where the staff bounces ideas around, and eventually decides what to include in the following issues. During one of the more productive meetings recently, a familiar concern was brought up.

Based a popular tale of oral folklore that floats around this campus, it dealt with the infamous computer-lab masturbator. Assuming that most students have heard this rumor at one point or another, it is unnecessary to go into all the sticky intricacies of the story. If not however, the gist is not difficult to deduce from the phrase ‘computer lab masturbator.’

Eventually the conversation evolved to include the broader issue of pornography, and it’s relationship with the student body. There were a lot of questions raised about policies, network issues, monitoring or restricting of content, and about specific incidents concerning the student use of pornography on campus.

There are many rumors that flow from the mouths of students and faculty like diarrhea of ignorance. So, honestly hearing stories of masturbation in the computer labs doesn’t exactly present itself as something that is likely to be true. However, it is enough to convince a controversy-starved student newspaper to investigate what the extent of pornography viewing on campus truly is.

What was discovered wasn’t exactly the juicy piece of journalistic fluff we had hoped for. Instead, we found ourselves with a boring realization of order and normality. In our imaginations we constructed stories of self-satisfaction and gluttonous over-consumption of perverse materials. Resulting in disciplinary action or scandal. Most of what was found out simply disproved all of these wild notions.

According to Michael Dente, the Chief Technology Officer here at Lyndon, there hasn’t really been too many problems with pornography on campus. “Most students realize that everything is tied to their login.”

Although, this doesn’t necessarily deter students from looking at pornographic content. Dente acknowledged that in the past, there had been cases of students taking up Z-drive space with pornographic content. Which subsequently had to be removed by IT.

This is the extent of any action that IT will take against the use of pornography. This being a university setting, there are no restrictions on what students are allowed to look at. “We don’t actively watch connections, but we can see what’s going on.” Dente said.

“This is a college, here that type of content could be part of the curriculum for certain classes, and it has been in the past.”

Previously most issues have been more about respect and common courtesy than harm done to the computers. In the library for example, there are several public computers that do not require a student password. There had been issues in the past where, people were asked to stop looking at certain things by the library staff.

According to Garret Nelson, Library Director, the location of the public computers deters most people from doing anything peculiar.

“It is like if you have a computer at home with children. You keep the computer in the living room where you can see it. This is our living room.” Nelson said motioning toward the computer stations sitting directly behind him.

So, as expected another rumor here at LSC has bitten the dust. There was no mention by anybody actually in the know about a lab-masturbator, or any other sexually deviant activity by students in the labs. Only by a few odd visitors on the public computers, which certainly doesn’t qualify as scandal.

So the search for interesting happenings at LSC continues on, with one more dead lead and one less interesting rumor to spread.